Author: Steve

Right now, the world is mourning the death of Pan Pan, who was thought to be the oldest male giant panda in the world at 31 years old, which is the equivalent of about 100 human years. But that’s not the most important thing. What we are really celebrating is the fact that Pan Pan banged a TON of panda babes and almost single-handedly saved his species. Pan Pan, who was living out his final days at the China Conservation and Research Center for the Giant Panda, first became a father in 1991 and now has more than 130 descendants…

I love all things Star Wars as much as the next guy, and I am extremely pleased to see that Rogue One is annihilating the competition at the box office, but I’m beginning to wonder whether Disney’s hubris is about to send the franchise into an inescapable tailspin. As is the case with most movies that top the box office, the new Rogue One TV spots make sure to highlight that fact. Except Rogue One is taking things pretty far in bypassing the worldwide box office and making the wild claim that this is the top movie in the ENTIRE galaxy. How the hell would…

President-elect Donald Trump’s transition is a daily carnival of horrors, but every now and then, something wonderfully silly slips through the cracks that brings a little levity to what is an otherwise anxiety-induced fever dream we are all forced to endure. One such light bit of news comes from Trump’s hunt for the next Secretary of State, which he ultimately gave to Vladimir Putin knob-slobber Rex Tillerson. Before Tillerson, Trump was casting a wide net of potential suitors, from noted insane person Rudy Giuliani (who has proven to be too insane even for Trump, which is an amazing accomplishment) to former…

Are you looking at your Christmas (that’s right, Christmas – we WON the war) tree this year and thinking, “My God, this tree isn’t doing nearly enough to help make America great again. I need to fix this immediately!”? You’re in luck! For the low price of just $99, you can buy an ornament that shows everyone you’ve never been afraid to say “Merry Christmas,” and now that it’s once again legal to do so with the election of Donald J. Trump, you’re going to say it to everyone’s face as loudly as you possibly can! Made of brass and…

“If knowledge is not put into practice, it does not benefit one.”- Muhammad Tahir-ul-Qadri As you ponder those words, take a moment to honor the knowledge-seekers of our society by reading through this unedited list of search terms people used to find Robot Butt in November: obama loves steve austin trumpsgiving spontaneous erections devil in hell looks like who? naked mailman doritos jacked symbol meeting thanksgiving farts powerball tips and secrets friends theory rachel dead celebrity in pizza clothes dammit trump cute joker jurassic park penis poems on pizza picture of hitler as old man pic of the devil biggest…

Last Thursday night, in the heated aftermath of the election in which a defective, all-orange piece of candy corn was elected president, some teens rose up to take matters into their own hands. As Donald Trump’s vampire son Eric was stalking the streets of New York City with his wife, a group – eight or so, apparently – of teens zeroed in on him and let loose with a supreme roasting, yelling, “Eric, fuck your father!” Another heckler shouted, “Love Trumps Hate!” Trump’s undead offspring turned to confront the teens, but even the most hardened vampires know you don’t mess with…

In Lil Wayne’s song “Steady Mobbin”, the rapper goes into great detail over how much he rules the world. It’s the usual fare for the rap game: big guns, no regard for bitches, drugs, the constant pursuit for absurd sums of money, and something about wolves. But in one of Lil Wayne’s verses, he does something interesting. He lets it slip that his house has ten bathrooms, not because it’s a pimp thing to do, but because it’s a medical necessity for him: “Big house, long hallways Got ten bathrooms, I could shit all day.” I don’t know if anyone…

Here at Robot Butt, we respect the quest for knowledge. With that in mind, here is a completely unedited list of some of the most insightful search terms that brought people to Robot Butt in October: queen elizabeth butt robots getting ass time travel to stop trump why is mike pence always squinting? valentine did not deserve to go home why do humans think aliens will prove them in the ass thanksgiving dinner farts ghost of a black man elves are not lewd poop with door open space jam butt testicles in vice pudding factory will the simpsons ever end…

Back in 2013, I was covering the Cleveland Indians for the Associated Press and the team was hovering around .500 while playing some fairly atrocious defense at times. You might be surprised given the fact that the team is now a defensive powerhouse, but believe me, it should have been illegal to watch Cleveland play defense a few years ago. Remember, they were once experimenting with Carlos Santana at third base. During one particular loss, someone (I naturally want to say Michael Bourn) made a pretty lazy throw to second, which allowed the hitter to leg out a double that shouldn’t…

https://youtu.be/eEX96EiClWU Look, we had to make this very sensual video of celery set to Ginuwine’s “Pony” and that’s all you need to know about it. Please don’t ask us why we had to do it. Just…please don’t.