Author: Ken Bates

Entry 1 Awoke at 5:00 AM to the Michael Scott Paper Company theme song on repeat, which is surprisingly terrifying at that hour. We were literally hosed down in silence while chanting “I am Beyoncé, always.” I was shivering so hard I bit my tongue. They handed me a mustard shirt and oversized glasses. “We are all Dwight now,” they said, solemnly. Where do they even get these? “Michael”, the Leader, told us, “The early worm gets the bird!” Everyone laughed way too hard, like hyenas at a dinner theater. I got a Schrute Buck for folding chairs. They say they’ll…