Completely unprompted and out of the charitable nature of our red, white, and blue-branded hearts, (certainly not a kneejerk reaction to a drastic slump in quarterly sales), Tylenol is excited to extend a heartfelt season’s greetings in the form of a new, limited-edition capsule that cures seasonal depression as surely as it does not cause autism: Pumpkin Spice Tylenol™. Pumpkin Spice Tylenol™ contains cinnamon, nutmeg, canned pumpkin, evaporated oat milk, and medicinal espresso. Honestly, every 200 mg dose is like licking the reddest, crispiest maple leaf. One pill, and it’s like your mucus was manufactured by Yankee Candle. Why bother…
Author: Dan Hass
Dan Hass
Dan Hass is an LA-based writer (with the sunburn to prove it). He's written and directed short films, digital series, comedy musicals, and ad campaigns—from Harley-Davidson to Barbie. Check out his work at danhass.com and his cats at @heydanhass.