Author: Brian Huba

CHICAGO–In the early morning hours, a “bearded, rosy-nosed man in a shiny red suit with white trim and matching cap, wearing black, combat-style boots” was taken into custody by Immigration and Custom Enforcement (ICE). The man, who did not have any identifying papers on his person, was captured on the rooftop of the Fisher Building, a 20-story apartment complex, located at 343 S. Dearborn Street, in Downtown Chicago. When asked if he was an American citizen, the man responded, “Ho. Ho. Ho.” Agents claim the man appeared to be “twinkle-eyed,” suggesting he may’ve been “high on drugs.” Addressing local media,…

Today, First Lady Melania Trump filed a 300 billion dollar lawsuit in New York City against Escalator #2 at the United Nations building in Midtown Manhattan. On Tuesday, when arriving at the U.N. with her husband, President Donald Trump, the escalator in question came to a mysterious stop as the First Lady stepped on. The White House called the mechanical malfunction “suspiciously liberal,” and vowed to prosecute those responsible for the “leftist sabotage operation that scuffed and smudged Mrs. Trump’s diamond-encrusted high heels.” A spokesperson for the UN’s Secretary General told reporters the President’s own videographer may have inadvertently triggered the stoppage…