I’ve been personally victimized by a self-checkout machine four times this week, and I’m starting to take it personally. After years of grocery store shame spirals, I’ve developed a definitive ranking system for checkout lines based on their judgment intensity. From least to most soul-crushing: 1. The Night Shift Checkout (Judgment Level: Blessed Numbness) The 11 PM cashier has achieved enlightenment through exposure to human depravity. They’ve witnessed the full spectrum of poor life choices and found peace with the darkness. Your cart of Plan B, Ben & Jerry’s, and a pregnancy test barely registers as Tuesday evening. They ring…
Author: AC Turner
AC Turner
AC Turner is an award-winning writer of humor, horror and comic books. Upright Citizens Brigade trained in improv/sketch/stand up. Contributor to Slackjaw, Frazzled. and more!