CHICAGO / NEW YORK – A longterm scientific case study has finally been published, confirming what many already assumed or knew. Nearly everyone looking at their phone on any type of public transportation is consuming some form of the popular content type known as hardcore pornography.
The study was theorized and tested by Swiss scientist and Nobel laureate Bernhardin Zündel, who tested his hypothesis by looking over everyone’s shoulders at their screens, nodding, saying “interesting,” then writing into a really big notepad.”
His published journal also notes that the other 20% are on FanDuel while listening to the Barstool Sports Podcast.
