KNOXVILLE, TN – Early Christmas reporting has confirmed local gamer and son of very messily divorced parents Jake Hoppins is getting a Playstation 5 and an equally as thoughtful used basketball for Christmas this year.
Hoppins’ parents, who separated earlier this year without giving Jake any kind of detailed reasoning other than “dad is going to stay with uncle Alan for a while,” finalized their divorce in mid-November, right before Jake’s first “double Thanksgiving.”
With the parents separation now legal, Jake’s mom, formerly Mrs. Hoppins and the clear “winner” of the divorce, has let him know that he will get to have two Christmases this year, with double the presents! Unfortunately, our investigative journalists have found ample evidence that one half of those promised presents will be a basketball found in uncle Alan’s garage that looks to be in “pretty good” condition.
