She totally has your eyes!
VERDICT: Cute.
He’s gonna be a heartbreaker.
VERDICT: Creepy.
He’s gonna be a ladykiller.
VERDICT: Really depends what you mean by that. Actually, either way, creepy.
He has the cutest little nose.
VERDICT: Cute!
Hello? JonBenét called. She wants her face card back.
VERDICT: Creepy.
What a handsome young man!
VERDICT: Cute!
Call me when she’s 15!
VERDICT: What?! Are you for real? Creepy.
Uh, no offense, buddy, but you really ought to have a talk with the mailman—’cause this kid’s a smokeshow.
VERDICT: Creepy, but a classic bit, nonetheless.
He reminds me of my Charles. Oh, Charles.
VERDICT: Vague and maybe sad. But nothing discernibly creepy.
I could make her a star. Here’s my card.
VERDICT: Hmmm, no thanks, R. Kelly. My mind’s telling me no, but my body’s telling me hell no.
If only I were 5 years younger…
VERDICT: 5? Definitely creepy.
He’s gonna have all the ladies chasing after him! I mean—he’s a handsome kid. He’s no Brad Pitt or anything. Good features—facial structure could be better. Nothing to write home about. Maybe a 7, and that’s being really, really generous. As a matter of fact, I don’t think this kid could ever experience true love. This guy better be funny, because his genetics are complete dogshit, frankly. No offense, kid, but you’ve got a face only a mother could love—and I’m not even sure she’s crazy about it.
VERDICT: Cute! Good save.