Stressing that eye contact with the camera was just “not their thing” and to “leave that to the lead singer or guitarist,” the world’s drummer population announced its plans in a press junket on Wednesday to just stare at the ground in every band photo.
“Maintaining our anonymity seems to be what people expect most out of us besides not speaking,” said a drummer spokesman for the group whose name people already forgot. “Say what you want about not knowing who we [drummers] are the minute we step offstage, but we know our place in photographs, which is usually far enough in the background that we cross that threshold of even being in focus.”
“We’ve perfected the art of looking like we don’t even belong in the picture with the rest of the band,” continued whatever-his-name-was. “It’s what we do best. I don’t even want to think about what would happen if we just suddenly stood in front of the singer or bassist. I mean, would the photographer even take the picture? I have a feeling we’d just get awkwardly stared at by the entire band until we just went back and partially stood behind a tree or something.”
Although the nation’s drummers admitted they’re comfortable with the fact that no one will ever know what they truly look like or care, most confessed it would be nice if they didn’t have to always reveal their identity to a woman after a show to get laid.