Remember those Choose-Your-Own-Adventure novels? Here are some failed knockoffs:
- Choice-Is-An-Illusion-Adventure: You decide what happens next, but every choice brings you to the same place.
- Choose-Someone-Else’s-Adventure: You choose what happens next, causing the pages to flip to that spot in someone else’s copy.
- Choose-Not-To-Go-On-An-Adventure: The story is so boring that you can’t help but put the book down and do something else.
- Choose-Your-Own-Answers: Each choice requires solving a story problem, and halfway through it drops the pretense of being an adventure and turns into a math test.
- Choose-What-To-Do-With-Your-Life: The adventure plays out what’ll happen if you choose different paths in education, work, and relationships, each of which leaves you catatonic with depression.
- Choose-Your-Own-Taxes: Midway through your adventure you remit your taxes, waiting for weeks to find out if your return has been accepted before you can resume your adventure.
- God-Chooses-Your-Adventure: With every choice you make, God listens and then takes you where He wants, because divine destiny is inescapable, and no matter what, you’ll wind up writhing in a lake of fire.
- Chew-Your-Own-Adventure: Whenever you backtrack on a choice, you have to eat that page.
- Ruin-Your-Own-Adventure: Each choice sends you to a blank page where you have to write a compelling narrative, which you can’t, because you’re a talentless eleven-year-old hack.
- Your-Adventure-Has-Chosen-You: You’re physically transported into the adventure and have to complete it, only to wake up holding the book, wondering if it really happened, at which point the villain bursts in to your room and slices open your jugular.
- We’ve-Chosen-Your-Adventure-For-You: Just a regular novel
