Outlook, your work email app. Get a head start on the upcoming workweek. If someone peaks over and catches you they will think you must have some high-paying job like actuary or insider trading.
Apple News
This is good for mindless scrolling. Put the app in dark mode and, bang, you got yourself a long text thread. Maybe it’s a break up text, thinks the person next to you. Maybe bring up these current events to a person near you? Congratulations, your first friendship seed.
Notes App
Jot down a few ideas that pop in your brian. It looks like you are texting someone. While you’re at it, delete old notes about household chores, put together a grocery list, and outline a fantasy book you will definitely write one chapter of. All while you wait on an unmoving line for the bathroom.
NYT Games
Keep that brain active. It is finally your chance to do the Mini Crossword from last December that you never got to do. Also if someone catches you, this could be a great conversation starter. “Oh yeah I just wanted to make sure I did the Wordle today? How many attempts did it take you?” Boom, another friendship seed planted.
Google Maps
How are you getting home? Or how long would it take by train to get from Vienna to Amsterdam? What about the streetview of the block you grew up on? Wow it still shows your mom getting out of her old Ford Explorer. Oh.. in the first floor window you can see your childhood dog. Oops you’re crying, back to the bathroom to wash your face. Shit there’s a line. Um, go to the kitchen and wipe your face off. Say you just got some buffalo dip in your eye. Maybe call your parents when you get home.
Gmail
You dealt with the work email, but what about your personal email? Look, J. Crew is having a spring sale. It’s forty percent off select styles… but you don’t like the select styles. Ignore the auto pay reminders from your student loan provider. That isn’t real money.
Weather Channel
It’s getting cold out and you didn’t bring a jacket. Now it says it may rain in 12 minutes. If someone notices, you can say that you had outdoor plans tomorrow but it looks like it’ll rain. If this conversation blossoms then pursue activity with this person tomorrow. With all these friendship seeds planted you got yourself a little garden.
ESPN
How’d the Mets do? They lost. Whatever…
Calendar
You got plans, you are booked and busy. In two weeks you have that dental appointment. In seven weeks, you have a haircut. In 13 weeks, it’s your birthday. Do you think any of the people at this party will come?
Mail App
The party is winding down. People are starting to leave but you don’t want to be among the first. Check your spam mail account. Don’t click on that link, you don’t even have a PayPal account. I think it’s time you go home. Order an Uber and DoorDash some Burger King you slob.
