People are getting tired of dealing with the ongoing pandemic, and renowned public health experts such as musician Kid Rock, author Bari Weiss, and many Canadian truckers have recently declared that they are simply done with it.
What great news! Finally, a brave solution to this complex and unpredictable crisis facing the world. Though this revolutionary way of thinking does bring up the question: What other problems could be solved by simply being done with them?
Climate Change
In his groundbreaking film An Inconvenient Truth, Vice President Al Gore memorably encouraged US and world leaders to focus on the “inconvenient” rather than the “truth” aspect of the climate crisis when considering how to address it. “If the solutions to this hugely consequential global problem put you out in any way, just don’t do them, it’s cool,” Gore probably said. This attitude was largely adopted by politicians and everyday citizens around the world, which is why the climate crisis is almost completely solved.
Relationship Conflict
Everyone knows that not communicating is the key to a great relationship. This instinct comes naturally to young children, but we lose it as we mature and learn to accept that we will have disagreements with those we love and must navigate them. If your partner confronts you about an ongoing problem in your relationship, channel your inner child and stick your fingers in your ear while singing “LA-LA-LA-LA I can’t hear youuuuuuuu” as loud and as long as possible. This has the advantage of allowing you to avoid the stress of addressing the problem while simultaneously making it more stressful for the other person involved, as well as anyone who happens to be nearby.
The Great Depression
As FDR famously said, “The only thing we have to fear is solving the problem itself, so let’s just pretend it’s not happening anymore and hope that the economy just kind of recovers on its own.” One of Roosevelt’s biggest missteps was not heeding his own advice and implementing an ambitious plan known as The New Deal to solve the massive problems caused by the Great Depression. The New Deal is widely remembered as a huge failure that was supported by Democrats and Republicans alike, very popular with voters, and successful in ushering the US out of the greatest financial crisis in its history.
Car Accidents
Don’t bother trying to move your car out of the way of traffic or help other people who may be involved when you are in an accident. The easiest thing to do is to just walk away from the scene without looking back, wearing a leather jacket and sunglasses if possible. This will ensure that you come across as cool and unbothered, which should be your highest priority in a crisis. You can’t risk showing any sign of weakness by thinking about people other than yourself, even if it means they may get injured or die unnecessarily.
Food Allergies
If you’re allergic to shrimp, but fed up with not being able to eat it anymore, just go ahead and eat some anyway. What’s the worst that could happen? You die? Not your problem – once you go into anaphylactic shock, it’s pretty much out of your hands! So sit back, relax, and burden other people with having to deal with the consequences of your poor decisions; people like the medical professionals who are ethically bound to try to save your life regardless of whether you want your medical condition to exist or not, and your family members who for some reason may care if you die.
Termite Infestations
No one wants to deal with this overwhelming problem, so if you don’t completely eradicate the infestation after one try, the best solution is to just pretend it’s over so you can get back to living in your house like normal – never mind the floors, walls, and ceilings that are crumbling around you. Sure, this means the infestation will eventually spread to your neighbors’ houses, but in times like this it’s important to remember the wise saying, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going further and further into denial.”