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    Home»All Content»The Hub»Articles»Politics»It’s the Economy, Shithead!
    Politics

    It’s the Economy, Shithead!

    Andy SpainBy Andy SpainDecember 3, 2021Updated:December 3, 2021No Comments4 Mins Read
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    Man slapping hand on head having regrets isolated on gray background. Negative human emotion feeling

    The only way to fix America right now is for everyone to focus on the economy and stop worrying about all the other issues. That stuff can wait. The economy is the most important thing.

    It’s the economy, shithead!

    First off, shut up about rising inflation. So what if the massive stimulus bills passed by Congress pushed consumer prices higher? Hourly wages are said to be up more than 10% from a year ago, so that issue will obviously cancel itself out. What consumers are forced to pay to be able to survive isn’t the economy; it’s the cost of living, dingus!

    Oh, is COVID disastrously stalling the global supply chain? Ignore that shit until we get a handle on the economy. The supply chain bottleneck can suck it. That’s not the economy – it’s logistics, anusbrain!

    Concerns about unemployment rates also need to take a back seat for now. Job market analyses show employers have record hiring demands, so how is that even a big deal? It’s not related to the economy. It’s the workforce, dickhead!

    Your health insurance premiums keep going up? You have a higher deductible than ever and pay more out of pocket per doctor visit? Well, duh, Dr. Einstein; rising medical costs are triggering rising medical costs. That’s not the economy – it’s the healthcare system, scroteface! 

    There’s a student debt crisis? Sorry, bookworms, but that ain’t the economy. It’s predatory lending, butternuts!

    Home prices are rising a hundred times faster than usual but you’re saying there’s a housing shortage? The fuck sense does that make? Yeah, it sucks that an entire generation has been priced out of home ownership, but that’s not the economy; it’s supply and demand, chodehugger!

    All those people complaining about the U.S. wealth gap seriously need to get their priorities straight. You’re worried because economic inequality is higher in the U.S. than in virtually all other advanced countries? Well, if there weren’t rich people on top controlling the industries, then there wouldn’t be any jobs for those who need to work. Move on, already! That is not the economy – it’s capitalism, sugardick!

    Some people argue that digital currencies will negatively impact the global economy while others say they will change it for the better. My two cents? Both sides can shut the fuck up. Digital currencies are made up by computers and aren’t even real money. That’s not the economy; it’s crypto, assbutter!

    Global climate change is not important enough to talk about right now. It’s the inevitable consequence of an indifferent planet and there’s nothing we can do to stop it. So what if energy costs have jumped 30% in the past year? The search for cheaper and renewable energy sources is a costly waste of time. It’s not the economy; it’s nature, fuckstick! 

    Stop wasting time pointing fingers at people who are oblivious to their own contradictory behavior. Let them complain that government programs are socialist handouts while gladly accepting stimulus money and advance child tax credit payments. That’s also not the economy. It’s cognitive dissonance, pisslips!

    So, how’s the economy doing, you ask? Well, the U.S. GDP grew this year, so what does that tell you, bonerbutt? The economy is doing great – it just needs more money. Simple, right?

    Well, also the government raised the federal debt ceiling to narrowly stave off the catastrophic fallout on global financial markets that are precariously built upon the supposed fundamental safety of U.S. debt. But not understanding that is as dumb as asking “how does money even work?” If you can’t keep up with basics like that, you need to go back to school. 

    It’s the economy, shithead!

    Andy Spain politics
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    Andy Spain

    Video editor and motion graphics designer in Durham, NC.

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