Are you for real and from the heart? Or are you bogusly playing the part? Let’s find out!
The following scenarios warrant a response from you. If you were put in the following predicaments, which responses would you choose?
1. A coworker you dislike invites you to get drinks with him after work on Friday.
Are you more likely to say:
A) “Aww, thanks for inviting me, but unfortunately I have a doctor’s appointment! It’s so tough to get on this dermatologist’s calendar, or otherwise I’d cancel it. Some other time though!”
OR
B) “I don’t know what gave you the notion that I’d want to consume a single beverage with your annoying ass. I tolerate you at work, but the SECOND that work is over on Friday, I’m heading home. To do absolutely nothing. In fact, I’ll probably be bored, which will still be better than spending more time with you. Please don’t ask me to hang out with you again.”
2. A friend of yours invites you to their housewarming party. You’re an introvert, you despise large gatherings, and you also hate your friend’s sorority sisters from college and you KNOW they’ll be there.
Are you more likely to say:
A) Let check my calendar! What night? The 15th? Let’s see… the 15th, the 15th… oh, crap, I can’t! I have to babysit my niece that night for my dang sister. Ugh, this sucks. Well, tell everyone I say hi! I owe you a housewarming gift!”
OR
B) “I’ll be babysitting my favorite niece that night. She and I are going to watch Peppa Pig, color outside the lines in her Frozen coloring books, and eat dinosaur chicken nuggets. Honestly? I’m pumped for it, and I’d rather do that ANY night than to go to ANY party. You’re my friend, and should know this by now. Plus, your college friends suck the big one. Especially Ashley, that twat. But I hope you have fun, and that you get some Bed Bath & Beyond gift cards.”
3. You’re at the supermarket and the teenage cashier greets you by saying “Hi, how are you?”
Are you more likely to say:
A) “Good! You?”
OR
B) “I know you’re only asking me how I am because your manager requires it. You don’t really care how I am. But to answer your question, I’m feeling the following emotions: exhausted, annoyed, stressed, anxious, and hungry. My day was busy, yet filled with monotony. I don’t want to be here buying groceries, but my DOLT of a husband is so useless that I’m honestly considering divorcing him. So ‘HOW AM I?’ Overall, I’d say pretty average to the way I’d normally feel on any given weeknight, while in a grocery store, at 7:48 p.m. Thanks for asking.”
4. A close friend asks you to be the maid of honor in her wedding. You’ve already been a bridesmaid in six other weddings and have had to spend many of your paychecks on wedding gifts, bachelorette parties, shower favors, bridesmaid dresses, and so on. You also know that this friend is very particular, and therefore highly likely to be a bridezilla.
Are you more likely to say:
A) “Oh my God! WILL I be your maid of honor!? It would be a TRUE honor! Yay! I am so excited! Love you, chica!”
OR
B) “Listen, Kendra. We’ve been friends since the sixth grade, so I think I can be direct here: I’m broke AF. I can’t afford the monetary or mental stress you’ll undoubtedly inflict upon me if I’m your maid of honor. I need to put myself first and decline. But since you’re my girl and all, I’d be happy to attend your wedding as a guest! Before I get drunk off free kamikaze shots at your open bar, I’ll even do you a solid and read some lame poem at the ceremony, or show guests to their seats, or whatever. Something easy, you know? By the way, I think Allie would make a GREAT maid of honor!”
END OF QUIZ!
Are you for real and bona fide, or just an insincere double-wide? Let’s see!
If you answered all A’s: Girl, you’re phony. Look up the word “authentic” in the dictionary.
If you answered all B’s: Dude, you’re too honest. Look up the word “tact” in the dictionary.
If you answered some A’s and some B’s: There’s no way this happened. The quiz is rigged.
Okay, so you claim you “really did” choose some A’s and some B’s? That isn’t very truthful, now is it? You should ALSO look up the word “authentic” in the dictionary.
