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    Home»All Content»The Hub»Articles»Politics»We Can Unite the Country Through Our Mutual Hatred for All This Fucking Snow
    Politics

    We Can Unite the Country Through Our Mutual Hatred for All This Fucking Snow

    Chris BrotzmanBy Chris BrotzmanFebruary 20, 2021No Comments2 Mins Read
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    Man Snow Blower Winter Blizzard

    It’s no secret we’ve been extremely divided politically the past four years. We’ve practically been at each other’s throats. Sure, your side stormed the Capitol and was literally at people’s throats, but that’s just a distant memory now.

    At this point, all I see, hear, feel, and know to be real is endless amounts of godforsaken snow. 

    With below freezing temperatures gripping us from Houston to the Canadian border, it’s way beyond politics. I’ll ignore the fact that you want to punish poor people simply for being poor, and hopefully you won’t get offended by my belief that a living wage is a fundamental human right. At this moment, aren’t we all just shivering shells of humans who are sick and fucking tired of being cold and wet from the knees down?

    Granted, I don’t love the fact that you think we should arm teachers instead of making it harder for lunatics to get guns. And I doubt you’ll ever come around to the notion that immigrants deserve even the slightest bit of empathy. But I know we can see eye to eye on the fact that walking to the grocery store shouldn’t come with such a high goddam percentage of getting killed by an icicle. 

    At first, a bunch of us had a great time in the snow. Especially here in the South. The novelty of it had us posting sledding videos on TikTok and making snowmen to post on Instagram. How naive we all were. To think it would stop snowing. And now here we are: the glistening white now just eight-foot-tall mountains of frozen gray gruel. Power grids have failed. And no matter how much you hate the idea of a woman’s bodily autonomy, I think we can agree that it’s utterly demoralizing that my favorite Chinese restaurant still can’t fucking deliver. 

    There is so much we will never agree on. My ideas being in support of the progress and prosperity of all Americans; your ideas being rooted in the systemic oppression of the majority while funneling taxpayer money to corporations and the super-rich. Can’t we simply stand together, point our middle fingers at the sky, and flip Mother Nature the bird?

    If it helps… I heard Mother Nature is Jewish.

    Chris Brotzman snow
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    Chris Brotzman

    Chris is an advertising and humor writer living in Chicago.

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