I went to sleep with the pandemic surging and the vaccine rollout botched and the climate crisis getting worse, and then the election was too close to call with the Senate in the balance and there were a-holes on Facebook complaining about voter fraud and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
In the morning, the domestic terrorists known as the Proud Boys showed up in D.C. to rally with the so-called president who told them “we will never concede” and that the vice president should refuse to certify the vote and I thought I’d move to Australia but I’m stuck here between Canada and Mexico.
Then I heard that one of the Senate races was called for a Democrat and I thought maybe there’s a chance the people can fix the problems, but I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up because I also heard the Sedition Caucus was planning on objecting to the Electoral College and it reminded me how many stupid people are actually voted into Congress and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At the Capitol, Congress met in a joint session for the ceremonial counting of the Electoral College votes but then some jerk-off senator objected to Arizona’s vote, and during the pointless debate the jerk-off senator said a lot of Americans don’t believe the election was fair, but that’s because of jerk-offs like him and the so-called president who told lies about the election process and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
Then the so-called president incited the domestic terrorists into an angry mob, and he told them to never accept defeat and the mob descended on the Capitol building where they clashed with police, shattered windows and gained unlawful entry and I worried that democracy itself might be killed right before my eyes, and I decided that if these assholes end up in charge I’m going to Australia whether Canada and Mexico like it or not.
The senators and representatives were forced into hiding as the angry mob defiled the Capitol building and even though this was an attempted coup d’etat, the so-called president said nothing to stop them, revealing his complicity in the sedition and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
After several hours, police and National Guard troops secured the Capitol building, and removed the bombs that had been left behind, but still I worried that it seemed very few of the rioters had been arrested, almost like the police gave them a pass because they were white, unlike what happened to people protesting on behalf of the Black Lives Matter movement, who were arrested and attacked by police.
It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
The so-called president made an announcement that the rioters should go home, but he also said that he loves them – which is weird, right? – and I’m sure he’ll continue to complain that the election was rigged, and the toadies who cling to him in a sycophantic trance will defend him and apologize for him because that’s what toadies do.
And the white men with guns and red hats will still go around waving their flags and eating the loads of crap they are fed because they believe they’re better than other people.
But I decided I’m not going to Australia. I’m America, damn it, and yes, mistakes were made – colossal, what-were-they-thinking mistakes were made – but there are a lot of people here who want to fix those mistakes. The idiots who want to go back to the way things were in the past can be defeated, and the good people don’t have to resort to violence to win.
The good people just have to stand up to the idiots and get out the vote.
Besides, Australia has its own problems.
