We’re so excited to have you onboard during these tumultuous times! This year’s internship program will look a little different from the ones in the past (and you thought you were just going to be getting us coffee and making photocopies LOL!).
Instead of rote office work, you’ll now have a chance to really get in there and get your hands dirty (literally – look at item #3).
Primary Responsibilities
1. Assist With Research
Our office is locked in a debate about whether the Starbucks at Penn Station is of the same caliber as the Starbucks next door to our office and the one near Tom’s daughter’s school. In order to help us determine whether the flavors are consistent across different branches, you will be visiting each of these locations and purchasing a variety of blends and drinks, before delivering them to each of our managers’ homes.
PLEASE NOTE: Cynthia, senior manager of brand strategy, suffers from insomnia and cannot consume caffeine after 6:45 a.m. You will need to deliver her beverage(s) prior to 6:20 a.m. to ensure she has enough time to finish. Also, find out the pricing structure of half-caff beverages and whether they differ across branches.
2. Help Enforce COVID Protocol
Because we’ve been away from our desks since March, there are a lot of crucial items we forgot in the office, but full-time employees aren’t allowed back due to COVID protocol.
However, because you’re technically categorized as an independent contractor, you don’t have to abide by this rule. That means you can get a glimpse inside a real New York high-rise infection cesspool to pick up Brad’s rabbit foot! While you’re there, why not show us how you go above and beyond by cleaning out the fridge?
3. Participate in Employee Health and Wellness Program Initiatives
Again, you’re not entitled to enjoy this benefit, which includes gym reimbursements and free childcare. But you will play a crucial role in helping develop this program to ensure everyone is reaping maximum rewards during COVID!
Kim, director of sales and partnerships, has lost her dog walker during the pandemic. Your task is to walk to her apartment (or ride the subway! Or bike! We don’t dictate the methodology, as long as we love the results!) three times a day to take Miss Muffin on a fifteen-minute walk. Kim will mask up and greet you with poop bags, gloves (Miss Muffin only bites occasionally, so it’s more of a precaution than anything else), and a bottle of water (for her angel).
4. Learn About the Exciting World of Performance Evaluation – and Get in on the Action!
Ivan, our junior customer service representative, has been in the hospital with COVID for the past two weeks and unfortunately hasn’t been meeting our standards for maintaining his employment relationship with the organization as a result. The good news for you is that this will give you an opportunity to gain a broader understanding of what it’s like to have an impromptu performance review.
In your role, you’ll draft Ivan’s termination letter. Don’t worry, the head of HR will sign it, even though it will come from your Gmail account.
You’ll also get to learn more about customer service since you’ll assume many of Ivan’s responsibilities.
At the end of your internship, you’ll have a chance to meet virtually with one of our indispensable team members* to learn more about the industry, give feedback, and maybe discuss full-time employment opportunities!**
*Martin, our chatbot
**Nope
