Amy, baby, I know you said you wouldn’t be returning my emails, but have I got a hit for you: Stars Hollow is DECIMATED by COVID-19! I’m thinking a two-parter, second half about an hour long; I’m sure the boys at Netflix could swing it.
Babette? Dead.
Taylor? Dead.
Miss Patty? Sweetheart. DEAD.
Kirk is the town’s Typhoid Mary doing all 20,000 of his jobs.
All the town’s resources are funneled to their precious Rory, who we KNOW will look like a tragically beautiful Victorian waif with fever-flushed cheeks surrounded by a comical amount of cushions, gifts, flowers, and soup.
Before he catches the illness/believes it’s even real, Taylor calls a town hall to demand Stars Hollow keep running as normal because they need tourists who expect the town’s colonial charm. To which Luke snarks something about the colonies being wiped out by fevers all the time.
Luke delivers his food all over town and runs himself ragged, Lane’s band does livestream performances to raise money for Mrs Kim’s antique shop, Lorelei pretends to cough to cut lines.
Emily Gilmore shows her human side once her maid gets sick. At first she’s furious and wants to fire her outright, but softens and ends up paying for doctors, treatment and making sure the maid doesn’t lose wages as she stays home and recuperates.
Richard (who in this reality is not dead) loses his SHIT with his Yale chums who are upset their employees are dropping like flies/asking for leniency with rent/need sick leave/etc. etc.
Dean, complete dullard, packs up his family and just dicks around in a remote cabin. Jess thinks it’s all so dreary, romantic and heavy. I can see him reveling in the deaths and isolation in his shitty beatnik sort of way. And you don’t even have to think about it: Logan’s mad at his dad!
Paris catches it and in a feverish haze tries to build her own ventilator. Before she can finish, she’s dragged to the hospital kicking and screaming. All the doctors are terrified of her and she unionizes the nurses.
Rory writes some sappy article for the Stars Hollow Gazette about the town coming together or whatever – it can be a voiceover. Over half the town is dead but Rory is Our Precious Girl!!! Lorelei speaks in a sparkling transatlantic accent as part of a Spanish flu bit, keeps coughing to cut lines long after the town is burned (metaphorically, emotionally) to the ground by the disease.
Amy, my diamond, if you have any notes, hit me back at your convenience; I know you’re not going anywhere!
