With the release of the Justice Department’s summary of the Mueller report, it appears that President Trump did not conspire with Russia to influence the 2016 election. Even though I’ve always hated Donald Trump and think he’s an embarrassing idiot who is terrible at his job, I now approve of the job he is doing as president.
At first when Donald Trump was bad at being president for two years, I thought, “this new president is a huge fucking moron who lies all the time.” Honestly, it seemed like all he was interested in was being racist and sexist and creating child concentration camps. Then I signed onto Twitter this past Sunday and saw the media reporting that Robert Mueller’s findings are a major win for the president. If there’s one thing Donald Trump has said 70,000 times it’s that that he loves winning, and it’s pretty hard to deny that he just won big time at not committing treason.
It came as a surprise to me, but this incredibly stupid president who says the dumbest shit is now good at his job for not being an enemy of the state. Donald “Unpleasant Asshole” Trump may be an unpleasant asshole, but the fact of the matter is he did not work with a foreign power to influence the 2016 election. As a smart politics guy, I feel I have no choice but to continue approving of this very bad president’s job performance until he is indicted for working with a foreign power to influence a different election.
One thing I admire about this repugnant pile of garbage is that he’s nether Philip nor Elizabeth Jennings from The Americans. That takes courage, and guts, and one has to wonder whether the Democrats were completely at fault for the government shutdown after all.
I would also be remiss if I didn’t remark on how proud I am of absolute fucking shit for brains himself for making it through two years into his presidency without getting caught openly acknowledging that he’s a sexual predator again. To say such vile things about women, offer a half-hearted apology, and not get caught doing that same ridiculous thing once again demonstrates the resilience of a man who excels at avoiding convictions. That there may not even be video evidence of a pee tape involving the president and two Russian sex workers shows a restraint on the president’s part that belies years of unhinged, incoherent Twitter rants. Truly, our blustering demagogue is becoming the leader we need him to be.
When this anthropomorphic sound of metal in a garbage disposal is done being president, what I’ll remember most about his legacy is not the significant damage to race relations, the demonizing of Muslims, suggesting there are good guys among Nazis, mocking the disabled, African-Americans, Mexicans, veterans, women, his own voters, and the imminent destruction of the planet, and all those other scandals we sort of swept under the rug due to oversaturation, but rather I’ll fondly think of the president’s greatest accomplishment: not having to go to jail. What once seemed like chicanery now seems like chicanery from a guy who didn’t betray the American public in this one particular instance, and that’s worth a thumbs up in my book. I also no longer approve of books.
As for 2020, I remain undecided in who I will support for president, although Guy Who Shares His Nickname With a Mob Boss Who Always Wriggles His Way Out of Criminal Charges has to be my favorites after this, his signature achievement. Had Donald Trump continued being a man with zero redeeming qualities and also acted as a Russian spy? Well then I really feel like I’d have to reconsider whether I have an opinion on him at all.