People often overlook that in Tchaikovsky’s popular Christmas ballet, The Nutcracker, a young woman, Clara, falls in love with her nutcracker (a small kitchen appliance used to crack nuts).
Clara has gained a following among those who date and fall in love with ordinary household kitchen appliances. She’s viewed as a role model and visionary, the Guy Fawkes of kitchen appliance romance.
We spoke with Lisa, Jamie and Dana to learn about their relationships with everyday household kitchen appliances.
Lisa & Steve the Oven. Dating for a year and half.
We cook dinner almost every night together. It’s our thing. I’ve always loved cooking, but it wasn’t until a couple years ago that I realized I’d fallen head over heels for my oven, Steve. There’s just something about him. Every day I can’t wait to get home to tell Steve more about the outside. It’s his favorite subject. He’s a pretty quiet guy but when we’re cooking together he really warms up.
The holiday season is really special for us. After all, in The Nutcracker, Clara’s nutcracker comes alive at the stroke of midnight and defends her from the mouse king. Last year Steve set off the fire alarm during Thanksgiving dinner and I think he saved us all that day.
Steve and I are hosting Christmas again this year, but we don’t really have a choice, it’s the only way we’d get to spend Christmas together. Sometimes it’s hard dating a large kitchen appliance, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Jamie & Kyle the Crock Pot. Dating for six months.
The mainstream media has been subliminally pushing the kitchen appliance/human romance agenda for years. I first noticed I was into kitchen appliances when I was a kid. I loved The Nutcracker and in Beauty and the Beast the stove was my favorite character; he cooked a mean feast and also defended the castle. Get yourself a man who does both, you know?
Some people say, “Oh my god I LOVE my KitchenAid standing mixer!” but do you really? People use the “L” word way too lightly. I’ve been dating Kyle for six months now and it’s been the best relationship I’ve ever had. We haven’t dropped the big “L” bomb yet but that’s because he’s a bit of a slow cooker. He lets things steep and develop and if you’re patient, the end product is really rewarding.
For the holidays, we’re going to my parents’ house. Kyle and I will most likely be in the kitchen – we love helping out my mom. I have a huge family but Kyle’s really sweet about it, he’s like “Set me, forget me, go enjoy your family!”
Dana & Clive the Blender. Dating for eight months.
Clive and I met at a yard sale. I had just moved to Cincinnati. He was dealing with abandonment issues and he needed me, but I needed him as well. My ex had just passed away in a fire back home in California. I was making breakfast one morning, I popped a bagel into Thomas and the next thing I knew he was up in flames. I suspect arson. I haven’t been able to have another toaster in my life since.
Clive and I host the best parties. He’s a really talented bartender: daiquiris, daiquiris, daiquiris. Sometimes I’m like, “Hey babe, how about a smoothie?” but he just keeps making daiquiris. Sure, we have our ups and downs like any other couple. Listen, I’m no angel and sometimes he can get loud, but he’s just passionate. We always make up, that’s the most important thing.
It’s our first Christmas together! Clive and I are going international. We’re visiting my great aunt in England. They don’t drink so Clive can’t make any daiquiris but it’ll be great. I just can’t forget that power plug adapter.
