“Mannheim Steamroller” is a phrase we all hear a lot around the holidays. But, like many other Christmasy terms, such as “wassail,” “sugarplum,” and “Heat Miser,” few people can tell you what it actually means.
The crack team of Pulitzer Prize-familiar journalists here at Robot Butt decided to do a little digging for the benefit of you dear reader, and in the hopes you will share this on social media. We read dozens of articles, interviewed hundreds of experts, and researched four books to uncover the mystery of Mannheim Steamroller.
While we never did get a definitive answer, here are some theories we found to explain its meaning:
It’s the traditional name for a Christmas tree in Germany, which is where the custom originated.
That’s a device with which one makes peppermint pancakes on Christmas morning.
That’s an alternate name for the peppermint pancakes served on Christmas morning.
Fruitcake farts.
In some translations of the Bible, there’s a fourth Wise Man, and like how the other magi brought unto Jesus gold, frankincense, and myrrh, this one came bearing Mannheim Steamroller, which historians say is a primitive all-purpose wall adhesive.
It’s the geometrical term that describes the curvature of a candy cane.
“Mannheim Steamroller” is the clinical name for “feigned disappointment,” like when people act not-believably excited when they open a lame Christmas present, pretending that they actually like it.
The process by which Baby God is born to a human virgin woman in a barn.
An empty stocking on Christmas morning? That’s a Mannheim Steamroller.
The welt that develops after when you try to kiss someone under the mistletoe and they slap you hard across the face is also known as a Mannheim Steamroller.
It means the same thing as “wassail,” whatever that means.
Christmas carolers rejected by a door slamming in their faces have just been “Mannheim Steamrolled.”
It is the medical term for severe gastrointestinal discomfort encountered after unknowingly drinking eggnog that has well passed its expiration date.
During his long, grueling night of delivering presents, Santa eats a lot of cookies and drinks a lot of milk, and he’s going to have to make a pit stop somewhere along the way. If on Christmas morning you awake to a toilet clogged with, uh, “Yule logs,” you’ve been Mannheim Steamrolled, my friend.
That’s the real first name of Mrs. Claus. Her name is Mannheim Steamroller Claus.
A disgusting, depraved, holiday-themed sexual act that is so deviant not even the most grizzled Christmas prostitutes are willing to do it.
A Mannheim Steamroller is a dreamy, New Age-ish band that makes keyboard and synthesizer-based versions of familiar Christmas songs. Your aunt loves them and she says she took you to a holiday concert of theirs in Columbus, Ohio when you were ten, an evening of which you have zero recollection.
A poinsettia petal.
