That’s right, I said it. I’m going to burn down my Harley-Davidson in solidarity with Trump. You don’t like petty trade wars and random tariffs cutting in to your profitability? Gonna move jobs to another country to uphold the fiduciary responsibility to your shareholders? Well, then I’ve just got two words: charred remnants.
Look, I’ve been a Harley guy long as I can remember. Got my first Harley leather vest before I could walk. My first bike was a hand-me-down from my dad, who taught me how to ride. Hell, I got the logo tattooed right here on my forearm.
But what they’re doing now, moving jobs overseas and such, just to spite President Trump, is absolutely despicable. To think, a company that has been operating in Australia since 1918, Japan since 1929, and India and Brazil since 2009, would just up and abandon all sense of patriotism and open a manufacturing plant in Thailand just because Trump’s trade war with the EU is having a devastating effect on their bottom line. That really chaps my ass, which is ironic since I’m currently wearing Harley-Davidson-branded assless chaps.
Way I see it, business isn’t about making profits! Just look at Trump. He’s the most successful businessman in the world, and none of his businesses have ever made a profit!
So that’s why I burned this $23,451 2017 custom Fat Boy Roadster into nothing but a pile of mangled steel in my driveway. Because if you got a problem with Trump’s policies, I got a problem with your policies. And you know what they say: every dollar is a vote. So go ahead and suck on this, Harley-Davidson. I just set fire to 23,451 of my votes. If you ask me, that’s a small price to pay for freedom of speech.
The much larger price to pay, however, will be the cost of rebuilding my house, which I accidentally burned down when the motorcycle’s gas tank exploded. But if you think I’m going to let crippling debt and nowhere to live stop me from owning the libs, well, buddy, I’ve got just two words: government subsidies.
