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    Home»All Content»The Hub»Articles»Life»9 Clean Energy Alternatives to Nightmare Fuel
    Life

    9 Clean Energy Alternatives to Nightmare Fuel

    David Henne & Dan YoungBy David Henne & Dan YoungOctober 31, 2017Updated:March 12, 2019No Comments2 Mins Read
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    Nightmare Fuel

    Tidal Power (That’s Calling From Inside the House!)

    It’s saving you a ton, but your house is terribly flooded. Also your basement is now inhabited by some sort of lagoon creature (probably the one who got a hold of the phone)!

    A Barrel of Flex Fuel Under a White Sheet With Two Eye Holes Cut Out

    Why it donned this spooky regalia is unclear. As if the very notion of this bastard Frankenstein born of two fuels wasn’t terrifying enough!

    Sewer Clowns on Treadmills

    The only thing these bloodthirsty clowns enjoy more than murder is the chase. Simply dangle a Maine preteen just out of reach and set the treadmill to 9.5 mph. It’s perpetual motion-generated electricity the way it was always meant to be!

    Ethanol Harvested From the Field in Children of the Corn

    Take heed, for while the corn itself is your run-of-the-mill maize, the crimson-eyed children harvesting it will likely murder you. Thankfully, your corpse will be used for composting!

    Wind Turbine of Lost Souls

    The horrible moaning that spins its dreadful blades is a small price to pay for the savings you’ll attain on those windswept, overcast evenings. Much like this one!

    The Battery of a Self-Driving Tesla

    It moves as if possessed!

    Chainsaw-Wielding Geothermal Heat Pump

    No one knows exactly how this energy-efficient heat pump got hold of a chainsaw, or what the local high schoolers did to deserve its vengeance!

    CEC-Approved Solar Panels Whose Eyes Follow You As You Walk By

    Your framed solar panels harbor a woeful secret, but what is it? Is it that they cost almost as much to install as they do in saving you money over time?

    Surprisingly Energy-Rich Tears of Children

    Gathered by sharing simple truths about the fossil fuel-dependent world in which we live.

     

     

    Dan Young David Henne Halloween horror nightmare
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    David Henne & Dan Young

    David Henne is a long-time contributor to McSweeney's and Splitsider. He lives and works in Long Island, New York. He's the one in the green jacket. Queens resident Dan Young long ago abandoned his dreams to pursue a career in reality television. By the time he realized his error, Dan's dreams had been taken in by a kind Long Island family. Maybe it's better this way.

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