NEW YORK CITY – Vice President-elect Mike Pence was in for an unpleasant surprise last weekend when, in an effort to enjoy some feminist blues rock, he was totally snubbed at a PJ Harvey concert. Concertgoers watched amusedly as the Secret Service attempted to make an opening for him in the mosh pit during “Happy and Bleeding.” Crowd members reportedly laughed and made phone videos as he was surfed to the outside of the pit before being prevented from returning to his position near the front of the stage. He then ended up standing near the bathrooms for the remainder of the night with a Shirley Temple in hand.
“The last time I can remember seeing someone get totally shut down like that was when Nigel Farage had his ass handed to him at a Radiohead concert,” recalled longtime PJ Harvey fan Bridget Williams, her gaze drifting away in fond memory. “That was rad. His suit was pretty much ruined.”
Although Pence’s suit remained in tact, his ego likely was not.
“He bought a few drinks,” bartender Devon Nuttall confirmed. “I felt bad for the guy, offered him one on the house. I thought he’d get a beer or maybe even a whiskey. That would have been my choice after a sick burn like that, but he ordered a Shirley Temple. I asked if he wanted anything in it, like a shot of vodka, but he said he wasn’t allowed to have alcohol on a weeknight. Then, when I tried to add the cherry, he told me not to because the sugar would go straight to his hips. He tipped me fifty cents.”
President-elect Donald Trump was furious over the incident, and took to his Twitter account with stern words: “It’s a shame PJ Harvey is now a 5 instead of a 7 like she was during the ‘90s. Rid of Me was overrated.”
Mike Pence’s team put out a statement saying that despite reports to the contrary, he enjoyed his evening out at the rock and roll concert, and that he found PJ Harvey to be a self-possessed and emotionally present performer. When asked about the mosh pit incident, he responded, “Is that what that was? Oh, thank God. I thought I had been coerced into participating in an orgy. I guess I can cancel that blood test.”
