CLEVELAND – Jeffery Bruller, 28, works as a local bank teller and is absolutely beside himself that he has not met the woman he will marry in the five weeks his OkCupid profile has been online.
Bruller, who is also an avid collector of swords and knives and poses with them regularly in pictures, cannot understand why he hasn’t been messaged by his dream girl.
“I’m really not sure what I’m doing wrong,” Bruller said. “I answered a bunch of their matchmaking questions, and I only message women who are a good match, like 80% or higher.”
“Unless they’re ‘curvy’ or ‘a little extra,'” the jerk added. “No fat chicks.”
Bruller stated that he did receive a message from a very nice woman who was a 98% match for him, but he declined to respond because she was 31 and thus “old and nasty.”
Throughout his OkCupid profile, Bruller insisted five different times that he was a “nice guy.”
He also believes that there are times women are obligated to have sex with him and that “no” occasionally means “yes.”
“How many nice guys like me could be out there?” said the real class act.
Bruller, ever the gentleman, said the biggest obstacle for him is “misandry,” which he described as “women thinking they’re too good for us men.” When asked if what he meant was feminism, which is actually just women wanting to be treated as equals, as they are human beings with dignity, Bruller just looked confused.
“What?”
When asked how he maintains hope that he will not die alone, Bruller laughed. “Come on, I’m a catch. I make good money and know how to treat women well.”
“Assuming they know their place,” the sad, miserable prick added.
