Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation for Supermodels Receives Unlimited Bottle Service Grant
Jan06

Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation for Supermodels Receives Unlimited Bottle Service Grant

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – The Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation for the Preservation of Supermodels (LDFPS) is pleased to announce its largest-ever grant to save supermodels from dying out. In a historic effort, $15 million will be directed toward supermodel protection and conservation. The first round of the grant will fund on-demand eyelash extensions and spray tans, with a second round paying for unlimited bottle service. “I...

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2016 Oscar Movie Reviews and Predictions From the Guy Who Watched EVERYTHING
Feb28

2016 Oscar Movie Reviews and Predictions From the Guy Who Watched EVERYTHING

It’s Oscar day, and I’m so very, very tired. I don’t know why I always make the effort to get through every nominee. At best, I usually respectfully disagree with the Academy’s choices. At worst, I find myself dumbfounded/angry/vengeful (I’m looking at you, Argo). The ceremony itself is more often than not an overlong, self-indulgent shitshow. But in the end, the Oscars are like family: I didn’t choose them, and I don’t always respect...

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Report: Oscar Winners Routinely Bring Home 30+ Women a Night
Dec10

Report: Oscar Winners Routinely Bring Home 30+ Women a Night

MIAMI – After breaking up with his model girlfriend Toni Garrn, actor Leonardo DiCaprio was seen leaving a South Beach nightclub with 20 women early Sunday morning. But as the news broke, reports also surfaced that Academy-Award winning actors bring home at least 30 women from clubs all over the country on any given night. “What Mr. DiCaprio did, while impressive, was not the best performance we’ve seen,” said...

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What are Famous People Doing at This Exact Moment?
Aug08

What are Famous People Doing at This Exact Moment?

It’s relatively safe to assume that, at times, celebrities act like normal human beings. As far as I can tell, they’re made the same way as us. They certainly speak and pretend to act like us. So that means they might do things we all do when the cameras aren’t rolling and the paparazzi hasn’t found them, right? Think about it. What are you doing right now? Sitting at your computer reading this, or maybe...

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Mom Likes That One Actor, You Know, That Funny Guy
Jun16

Mom Likes That One Actor, You Know, That Funny Guy

ZANESVILLE, Ohio – In a developing story, local mother Karen Ross, 47, has confounded her two children with vague and at times contradictory details about that one actor she likes. According to Dylan Ross, 22, his mother mentioned recently watching a movie she enjoyed but gave only sketchy plot details before attempting to recall the leading man. Sources indicate the man has been described as “goofy” and...

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