Santa Waterboards the Enemy in the War on Christmas
Dec24

Santa Waterboards the Enemy in the War on Christmas

Interrogation Transcript North Pole Detention Camp Location: [REDACTED]  Douglas Fleischer-Hughes, liberal activist, atheist, and professor of Sociology at Oberlin College lies blindfolded and strapped to a wooden gurney that’s trimmed with Christmas lights and a garland. The lower half of the gurney is elevated, so that Fleischer-Hughes’s head is angled 45 degrees downward. General Santa Claus stands over him, chewing a mini candy...

Read More
After Divorce, ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ Author Pens Emotional Sequel ‘Eat, Eat, Eat’
Dec22

After Divorce, ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ Author Pens Emotional Sequel ‘Eat, Eat, Eat’

WATERBURY, Conn. – After divorcing her longtime partner Jose Nunes, Elizabeth Gilbert recently announced that she has penned a follow-up to her hit novel Eat, Pray, Love. The sequel, entitled Eat, Eat, Eat, will be on bookshelves in time for the holidays. “I’m in a really Zen place now,” Gilbert said between bites of cookie dough ice cream and Double Stuf Oreos. “My life has never been more fulfilling.”  Rather than praying or...

Read More
Ground Rules for Our Fifth Annual Office Holiday Grab Bag
Dec12

Ground Rules for Our Fifth Annual Office Holiday Grab Bag

From: Ron.OConnell@DurkinHerd.com To: Employees of Durkin Herd Subject: Ground Rules for Our Fifth Annual Office Holiday Grab Bag Hey Everyone, Since we’re closing in on the end of the year, I wanted to reach out to lay down some rules for the office holiday grab bag. Just to clarify, this IS the fifth annniversary of the event. As many of you know, it was formerly known as the office “Secret Santa,” but we changed the name to make it...

Read More
‘Game of Thrones’ Episode 11: Battle of the Black Friday
Nov25

‘Game of Thrones’ Episode 11: Battle of the Black Friday

The night is dark and full of terrors, but leading the 5 a.m. Macy’s line on Black Friday is a fear unimaginable, with a fate worse than Hodor’s. Let’s see what each GoT character wants to snag before winter comes. Cercei Lannister: 50% Off Plywood At Lowe’s Dearest Cersei lost all three children, took down religion, and blew up the center of Westeros. She is going to need all the wood Lowe’s has to offer to successfully...

Read More
13 Historical Tweets From the First Thanksgiving
Nov24

13 Historical Tweets From the First Thanksgiving

Historians have recently discovered the Twitter page of Constance Hopkins, an original Plymouth Colony member. An outstandingly blah account of the first Thanksgiving of 1621 was narrated in her tweets. Read on to relive the social media hype during the founding of one of America’s greatest holidays! Who cooked the mashed potatoes? They are SO soupy #Gross #TastesLikeFuckingCardboard #TakeACookingClass OMG Susanna has been wearing the...

Read More
Page 1 of 512345