Annual Stoning Yields Record Harvest
Sep21

Annual Stoning Yields Record Harvest

NORTH BENNINGTON, Vt. – Local farmers are celebrating countywide following a record-breaking harvest, brought on by this June’s Lottery and stoning ceremony. Early estimates project a yield rich enough to “last two winters, maybe more.” “Lotta corn, lotta wheat – whole lotta tomatoes. Yah, nothing’s even come close to this in thirty, forty years,” said resident Jacob Graves. “Figure we be keepin’ that Lottery, now, won’t...

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High School Friend Presumed Republican
Mar01

High School Friend Presumed Republican

AKRON, Ohio – Citing numerous status updates and linked articles from the Drudge Report over the past five years, Ben Jeppers has come to the conclusion that Clint Howitz, his friend from high school, is now a Republican. “It all started when I noticed a post on his wall that mentioned some good things about John McCain,” Jeppers said. “This was back when we were all young and everyone was still on the Obama hype train, so I...

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Fundraiser Buys Drama Club New Fuck Couch
Aug25

Fundraiser Buys Drama Club New Fuck Couch

ANN ARBOR, Mich. – Though the school year has just started, the Greenfield High School drama club has already met all the goals for its first fundraiser of the year! The school’s famous Big Bake Sale and Cakewalk Extravaganza went off without a hitch and the kids were extra excited to help out this year when they found out the proceeds were going to buy a new fuck couch for the drama club. “When I found out they were...

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It’s Back to School Week at Robot Butt!
Aug24

It’s Back to School Week at Robot Butt!

The time is here again, students! That’s right, it’s time for you to trade in your beach balls and sunglasses for textbooks and sweater vests, because another new school year is upon us! But you’re not going to learn anything valuable in school, you can bet on that. The only things you’ll ever need to know you’ll get from your dear old friends at Robot Butt. And what good timing, because this week is Back...

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