19 Other Things Ben Carson Believes
Nov10

19 Other Things Ben Carson Believes

Ben Carson has recently come under fire after a video surfaced of him declaring that the Egyptian pyramids were built by Joseph to store grain. And with more scrutiny being placed on the Republican frontrunner, we were able to uncover some more of his unconventional thoughts. Here are 19 other things Ben Carson believes: The Statue of Liberty was built by the Israelites to scare away Satan’s giant crows. He only ingests food...

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10 Thoughts I Had During the Second GOP Presidential Debate
Sep19

10 Thoughts I Had During the Second GOP Presidential Debate

Because I am a masochist, I watched Wednesday’s entire three-hour debate between the 6,743 hopefuls vying to become the Republican presidential nominee in 2016. Here are ten thoughts I had during the broadcast: 1. What an endurance test this one was. The first GOP debate was kind of like a fun carnival. The second debate was fun for the first ten minutes, and then it felt like getting delirium-inducing food sickness from the...

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Bernie Sanders Tells Group of Children He is Blade
Aug18

Bernie Sanders Tells Group of Children He is Blade

MANCHESTER, N.H. – Just days after Donald Trump told children he was Batman, presidential candidate Bernie Sanders announced to a group of children that he was, in fact, the superhero Blade after being asked by a young boy. “Yeah I’m Blade, sure,” Sanders said, referring to the half-human, half-vampire African-American vampire hunter. “Which should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone.” Standing at the podium, the frail, old...

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10 Thoughts I Had During the First GOP Presidential Debate
Aug07

10 Thoughts I Had During the First GOP Presidential Debate

The first of many, many mind-numbing debates leading up to the 2016 presidential election took place Thursday night, and here are ten thoughts I had while watching it: 1. There is no universe in which Donald Trump will be president, but I’ll gladly enjoy him in the race for as long as he lasts. He makes me feel like we could one day see a Muppet run for office. 2. I’m positive that if Ted Cruz was elected, ISIS would...

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Donald Trump Partners With Spencer’s Gifts on New Campaign Hats
Aug07
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