Honey, I’m Sorry I Didn’t Call Before My Arm Was Replaced With a Laser-Guided Proton Ray
Oct16

Honey, I’m Sorry I Didn’t Call Before My Arm Was Replaced With a Laser-Guided Proton Ray

I’m sorry, honey. I screwed up. I should have told you I would be home late. I should have told you I was going drinking with the guys. Most of all, I should have told you I was having my arm replaced with a laser-guided proton ray. That’s on me. Please know that when the night started it wasn’t my intention to have my arm replaced with a laser-guided proton ray. I was just supposed to get a quick beer with Tom and Mitch...

Read More
5 Crazy Things ‘Back to the Future II’ Predicted About 2015 That Came True
Dec31

5 Crazy Things ‘Back to the Future II’ Predicted About 2015 That Came True

With the close of 2015, it’s time to look back (to the future, that is). From hoverboards to self-lacing shoes, thumbprint IDs to Google Glass, Back to the Future II predicted a lot of amazing things, so let’s take a look at some of the most impressive! 1. American Patriot Kim Davis We all remember the famous scene where a Hill Valley resident tells Marty McFly that the gay marriage ruling was “a hundred-to-one...

Read More
An Interview With My 13-Year-Old Self
Nov04

An Interview With My 13-Year-Old Self

In an exclusive meeting, my 13-year-old self – from late fall, 1999 – sat down to chat with my 29-year-old self earlier this week. Here’s an edited excerpt from that conversation: 29-Year-Old Me: You probably have some questions for me about what we’ve been up to… 13-Year-Old Me: You probably have some advice for me about what to do and what not to do… 29: Fair. Okay. Know how it’s sorta weird...

Read More
Good News: The Universe is Dying!
Nov02

Good News: The Universe is Dying!

Is your boss breathing down your neck? Do you have so much to get done that you don’t even know where to start? Are you not accomplishing anything in your life that you once set out to do? Are you just feeling beaten down by everything around you? Is your life a mess in every possible way? Don’t worry about it! It’s all good, because thanks to recent research by scientists in the Galaxy and Mass Assembly Project...

Read More
What Will the NFL Look Like in 10 Years?
Oct22

What Will the NFL Look Like in 10 Years?

From new research exposing the severity of concussions in the game to a constantly revolving door of rule changes, the NFL as we know it might look very different down the road. With that in mind, here are some predictions of what professional football might look like ten years from now: Seeing as how increased fines failed to curb the plague of touchdown celebrations, the punishment will now be Roger Goodell’s choice among an...

Read More
Page 1 of 3123