Airline Mourns Beloved Gremlin
Sep08

Airline Mourns Beloved Gremlin

CHICAGO – United Airlines mourned the loss of one of its most prominent gremlins Tuesday. Grzlock the Eldest & Merciless, a yellow and green plane-gremlin known as “Jerry” by airline staff, first joined the airline in 1970. During his tenure on the staff he provided in-flight mechanical services for more than 10,000 commercial flights, developed groundbreaking new techniques in wing upkeep on the Boeing 707, and...

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Generous Airplane Legroom Wasted on Child
Jun23

Generous Airplane Legroom Wasted on Child

LONG ISLAND CITY, New York – Executives at JetBlue were distraught today as they discovered that a flight’s generous legroom had been wasted on a short-legged child. The low-cost airline prides itself on the 34 inches of legroom they provide economy-class passengers, a full two inches above the U.S. national average. “We’ve spent millions of dollars to make sure our passengers have the most legroom of any...

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100 Words or Less: On Airline Pilots
Oct18

100 Words or Less: On Airline Pilots

On a recent flight, the pilot came on to say something, but no one could make out what it was. Garbled and low, it sounded like gibberish. It really could have been anything. “Attention passengers, I’m going to be taking off my pants in a minute to vigorously insert my penis inside this honey-baked ham. I won’t be paying much attention to the flight, so there should be some slight turbulence.” Sure enough,...

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100 Words or Less: On Flights Lacking Wi-Fi
Jul17

100 Words or Less: On Flights Lacking Wi-Fi

There was supposed to be Wi-Fi on my flight, so I didn’t bring anything non-electronic to do. Spoiler: no Wi-Fi. Computers aren’t nearly as useful when you’re not online. I decided to jot down a few thoughts, as an experiment to see where the mind can go when not over stimulated: Airplanes sans Wi-Fi are modern sensory deprivation chambers. Wanted to make a Jetsons joke about the moving sidewalks, but couldn’t...

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