Top 5 Classy Ways to Start an Apartment Fire
Feb13

Top 5 Classy Ways to Start an Apartment Fire

1. A Few Dozen Candles to Surround a Bubble Bath This one takes some very deliberate installation of three dozen luxury-scented candles. Each open flame should be on top of or near a stack of cashmere towels to ensure an ultimate engulfing of your living quarters. Real cashmere! It matters. Above all else, the aesthetic is extremely important when you are burning yourself alive. Remember, the candles will take some time to fully...

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Relationship Heating Up for Arsonists
Feb09

Relationship Heating Up for Arsonists

SAN DIEGO – As the new-wave sounds of Talking Head’s 1983 hit “Burning Down the House” played in the background, Brian Chase and Kelly Marshall, two convicted arsonists, announced their plans to wed. The two feisty firestarters first met on Tinder in 2014, where they immediately warmed to each other. “It was like he put a match to the kindling of my heart,” Kelly says of their first meeting. “Brian set my passions...

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Real-Life Frankenstein Monster Afraid of Fire
Oct29

Real-Life Frankenstein Monster Afraid of Fire

COLUMBUS, Ohio – Admitting he’s been teased about it all his life, local man Scott Huffman is a regular Frankenstein’s monster when it comes to his irrational fear of fire. “I know it’s something I should get over and just grow out of like everyone else,” Huffman said. “But there’s something about the thought of being engulfed in flames that just gives me the heebie-jeebies.” Friends have repeatedly tried to make Huffman face...

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Tactless Fire Smoking Inside
Apr10

Tactless Fire Smoking Inside

Showing a blatant disregard for his host, a fire just lit right up and started puffing away without a care in the world. “Smoke was billowing everywhere,” reported homeowner Terry McIntyre. “I felt like I was choking from it. I could hardly see a foot in front of my face. I mean, I could have died.”     More jokes, at no extra...

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