As President of This Secret Society, I Pledge to Make It Just as Weird as the Movies
Sep06

As President of This Secret Society, I Pledge to Make It Just as Weird as the Movies

My papa had just returned from the farm when I caught my first glimpse of Eyes Wide Shut. I stood behind his recliner at the tender age of eleven as he clicked on our old tube set. It was the party scene. Red robes, strange gold masks. “Trash,” my father said, “exaggerated trash. No place behaves that way,” and he changed the channel. But I was transformed. I had peeked through a fleeting window; this was how the world’s great men...

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Nation’s Creepy Uncles Plan Christmas Viewings of ‘Eyes Wide Shut’
Dec23

Nation’s Creepy Uncles Plan Christmas Viewings of ‘Eyes Wide Shut’

In what has become a holiday tradition for many across the country, the nation’s creepy uncles have begun preparations for their Christmas viewings of Eyes Wide Shut. The film, the final produced by famed director Stanley Kubrick, features characters locked in psycho-sexual obsessions, lengthy group orgy scenes, and a festive yuletide setting. “It’s the greatest Christmas film ever made,” said Minneapolis uncle Brent Geisler. “The...

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