Elementary School Teacher Braces Self for This Year’s Crop of Goofy Names
Aug28

Elementary School Teacher Braces Self for This Year’s Crop of Goofy Names

Having just received the official list of students registered for her class this year, local first-grade teacher Paula Zirkelbach has begun mentally preparing herself for what will no doubt be a sizable number of unconventional names. “I swear, every new class, the parents top themselves,” said Zirkelbach, who has been teaching since 2002. “I’m gonna go ahead and predict that about a quarter to half of them will just be a...

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It’s Back to School Week at Robot Butt!
Aug24

It’s Back to School Week at Robot Butt!

The time is here again, students! That’s right, it’s time for you to trade in your beach balls and sunglasses for textbooks and sweater vests, because another new school year is upon us! But you’re not going to learn anything valuable in school, you can bet on that. The only things you’ll ever need to know you’ll get from your dear old friends at Robot Butt. And what good timing, because this week is Back...

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Elementary School Profanity Power Rankings, Week 2
Feb24

Elementary School Profanity Power Rankings, Week 2

There was a lot of moving and shaking in the first week of the Elementary School Power Rankings. Poophead, penis breath and poopmouth shot up the rankings as the worlds of scatological profanity and wieners are currently laying claim to the vulgar minds of elementary school children. In what came as a huge surprise, butthead tumbled all the way down to No. 16 after sitting atop the rankings in Week 1. Will it find its way back to the...

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Elementary School Profanity Power Rankings, Week 1
Feb11

Elementary School Profanity Power Rankings, Week 1

Elementary school is a wonderful time of discovery, where your mind absorbs more knowledge than at any other point in your life. In this time, you’re also going to learn and create countless vulgarities that will stick with you for the rest of your life, and are far more important than anything taught to you in, say, third grade. Who remembers anything from that grade, anyway? So what is the ultimate elementary school swear...

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