Hillary Clinton Realizes During Acceptance Speech She Left Staffer’s Testicles in Vice
Jul30

Hillary Clinton Realizes During Acceptance Speech She Left Staffer’s Testicles in Vice

PHILADELPHIA – Pausing for more than ten seconds in the middle of her acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention, presidential nominee Hillary Clinton suddenly realized she had left an insubordinate staffer’s testicles locked in a vice before continuing with her remarks. “Oh fuck,” Clinton could be seen mouthing to herself, as reported by astute lip readers in the audience. “If someone...

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Hillary Clinton Revels in Slideshow of Vanquished Enemies Prior to Acceptance Speech
Jul29
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Wow! This Philly Cheesesteak Has a LOT to Say About Immigrants But is Shy on Camera
Jul29
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‘Don’t Worry, We’ll Still Fuck This Up’ Says DNC’s New Slogan
Jul26

‘Don’t Worry, We’ll Still Fuck This Up’ Says DNC’s New Slogan

PHILADELPHIA – Fresh on the heels of a hellish Republican National Convention in which delegates staged walk-outs, a speaker performed a Nazi salute, and the party’s secondary candidate refused to endorse the actual presidential candidate, the Democratic National Committee has put to rest the notion it has been lobbed a softball with its new “Don’t Worry, We’ll Still Fuck This Up” theme. “Get...

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Bernie Sanders Mouths ‘Help Me’ Into TV Camera
Jun08

Bernie Sanders Mouths ‘Help Me’ Into TV Camera

  SANTA MONICA, Calif. – Following Tuesday’s primary results, which saw Bernie Sanders failing to secure the primary upset he was hoping for, the Vermont senator vowed to continue his fight to the Democratic Convention, before quickly mouthing “Help me” into an ABC News camera. Reviewing the incident, many pundits questioned its meaning and expressed concern for the spirited Cinderella candidate, with one commentator...

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