4 Celeb Diet Tricks That’ll Have People Wondering, ‘Did She Somehow Contract a Rat-Borne Illness?’
Dec20

4 Celeb Diet Tricks That’ll Have People Wondering, ‘Did She Somehow Contract a Rat-Borne Illness?’

Congratulations! If you’re reading this, you finally hate yourself enough to lose the weight. That’s both the first and easiest step. But where do you go from here? With so many diets promising to transform your body into an Instagrammable fuck-shrine, it’s hard to know who to listen to. We wanted to help, so we gathered exclusive tips straight from the pioneers of modern dieting: Iron-deficient celebrities. Try out these four tricks...

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With Everything That’s Happening Right Now, I’d Like to Announce I’m Selling Diet Pills!
Aug16

With Everything That’s Happening Right Now, I’d Like to Announce I’m Selling Diet Pills!

Hey Errybody! LOL! What’s up all my Facebook amigos? You doing good? You’re about to be doing better! I’m going to make this the best time of your life by offering you something that will make you forget every bad thing happening right now – even the life-threatening ones! How? I’m now a registered representative to sell all-natural diet pills, and I’m offering you a life-changing opportunity! These things are amazing. I’ve been...

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Ask Me About the All-New Apocalypse Diet!
Nov30

Ask Me About the All-New Apocalypse Diet!

If you’ve tried the South Beach and Paleo diets, only to be let down, then get ready for the fitness craze sweeping depressed homes across the nation – the all-new Apocalypse Diet! The Apocalypse Diet guarantees weight loss and decreased muscle tone, and all you have to do is continue to listen to the radio and watch the news. How does it work, you might ask? The Apocalypse Diet literally replaces your appetite with nausea and...

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