‘Don’t Worry, We’ll Still Fuck This Up’ Says DNC’s New Slogan
Jul26

‘Don’t Worry, We’ll Still Fuck This Up’ Says DNC’s New Slogan

PHILADELPHIA – Fresh on the heels of a hellish Republican National Convention in which delegates staged walk-outs, a speaker performed a Nazi salute, and the party’s secondary candidate refused to endorse the actual presidential candidate, the Democratic National Committee has put to rest the notion it has been lobbed a softball with its new “Don’t Worry, We’ll Still Fuck This Up” theme. “Get...

Read More
Hillary Clinton is Still Hot for My Flavor
May26

Hillary Clinton is Still Hot for My Flavor

A few months ago, I wrote that Hillary Clinton was pulling out all the stops in her campaign by trying to seduce me. If you thought she would let up because she locked up the Democratic nomination over Bernie Sanders, you’d be dead wrong. Of course she’s still sending me desperate, flirtatious emails. As usual, they’ve been ranging from what appear to be innocent declarations of love to angry outbursts to attempts at...

Read More
Tanned, Bejeweled Bernie Sanders Changes Mind About 1%
Apr08

Tanned, Bejeweled Bernie Sanders Changes Mind About 1%

    More jokes, at no extra...

Read More
Martin O’Malley Has the Saddest Presidential Campaign of All Time
Dec30

Martin O’Malley Has the Saddest Presidential Campaign of All Time

Martin O’Malley, who is trailing Democratic frontrunners Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders by four hundred and sixty-five jillion percentage points, was in Iowa on Monday during a huge storm that forced other campaigns to cancel their events. Not O’Malley’s, though! The “presidential candidate” persevered through the elements and held his meet-and-greet anyway. And since it was nearly the apocalypse...

Read More