Chaos Surrounding Walmart’s “Bigger & Blacker Black Friday” Increases
Nov28

Chaos Surrounding Walmart’s “Bigger & Blacker Black Friday” Increases

Salt Lake City, UT – Starting at midnight Thursday, a local Walmart decided to open its doors for a Black Friday lock-in until December 6, but due to said lock-in, the only means of communication between the inside of the store and the outside world has been a flashlight shone through a window in a crude form of Morse code. “I love it! It’s like having my best friends and family all in the same place, and they’re not allowed to...

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Salt Lake City Walmart’s “Bigger & Blacker Black Friday” to Never End
Nov26

Salt Lake City Walmart’s “Bigger & Blacker Black Friday” to Never End

Salt Lake City, UT – Wanting to fully capitalize on this year’s amped-up Black Friday sales, Salt Lake-area Walmart manager Chad Wellmington announced that his store’s enlarged Black Friday will be an unending lock-in event. “What’s the point in leaving?” said Wellmington, clear excitement dripping through his voice. “Walmart has everything you need, and while we’re already letting everyone raid the in-store Pizza Hut, there’s...

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Walmart Introduces ‘Bigger & Blacker Black Friday’
Nov25

Walmart Introduces ‘Bigger & Blacker Black Friday’

Bentonville, AR – Walmart announced today the “Bigger & Blacker Black Friday” mega-event that would take place this year. Starting midnight on Thanksgiving, every Walmart store in the United States would become a 24-hour-a-day Black Friday extravaganza through 11:59 p.m. Saturday, December 6. “Black Friday is no longer about waking up at the crack of dawn to stand in long lines and hope for the best,”...

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