Bridge Jumper Must Not Care If People Late for Work
Sep19

Bridge Jumper Must Not Care If People Late for Work

LOS ANGELES – Expressing frustration that traffic had been stopped for over thirty minutes, commuters Wednesday morning reportedly surmised that the person considering jumping from the I-110 overpass must not care at all if people are late to work. “You’d think he’d have the consideration to take his life at night or on a Saturday,” said 32-year-old accountant Jennifer Robinson. “That jerk has been sitting up there with his legs...

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Inscription on Twin Towers Keychain Reminds Teen to Never Forget Keys
Feb04

Inscription on Twin Towers Keychain Reminds Teen to Never Forget Keys

MADISON, Wis. – Recalling that she had left them by the microwave this time, 15-year-old Rebecca Halderman told reporters Friday that she rarely misplaces her keys now, thanks to the words “Never Forget” inscribed on her Twin Towers keychain. “It’s pretty clever to put a reminder like that on something easily forgotten,” she remarked.  “I saw it at a yard sale next to some CDs with actor Will Smith on the cover. Who...

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Devout Teens Pledge to Stay Virgins Until Parents Away
Dec20

Devout Teens Pledge to Stay Virgins Until Parents Away

MEDFORD, Ore. – Reaffirming their commitment to chastity, teenagers Samantha Gray and Colin Reingold told reporters Tuesday that they had made a solemn vow to remain virgins until Reingold’s parents left home for the weekend. “This is how the Lord intended it,” explained Gray.  “In His eyes, sexual intimacy should be between a man and a woman bound by the sanctity of that man or woman’s parents being at Crater Lake for two whole...

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