Long-Time Boyfriend Uneasy With Girlfriend’s Decision to Upgrade From Reliable Old Civic
Jul17

Long-Time Boyfriend Uneasy With Girlfriend’s Decision to Upgrade From Reliable Old Civic

SYCAMORE, Ill. – After his girlfriend Sarah Marko mentioned trading in her 2006 Honda Civic sedan for a newer, more exciting car, area man Adam Baker reported feeling anxious, sources reported. “Sure, it’s nearing 100,000 miles and the paint has lost some luster. But we’ve been dating over five years, and her silver Civic has been good enough for her until now. It’s paid off, runs dependably and is very...

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Help! My Girlfriend Is Cheating on Me With Her Husband
Jul10

Help! My Girlfriend Is Cheating on Me With Her Husband

I woke up this morning and she was gone. It’s not like her to wake up super early, so I knew something was up. She’d been acting weird for days. Last night, she stayed up texting someone and giggling. Then when I tried to initiate cuddling, she just said she was tired and went to sleep. Tired? From what? I’ll tell you from what, from sex. But not with me, because sex with me doesn’t make you tired. I think she’s back to seeing her...

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Did Your Man Stop Texting Back or Is He Actually Casper the Friendly Ghost?
Oct24

Did Your Man Stop Texting Back or Is He Actually Casper the Friendly Ghost?

Picture this: you’re in the first stages of “talking” to a new guy. You’ve exchanged some witty repartee, a few innuendos and dates you thought went really well, many winky emojis, and just as soon as you’re about to ask if he wants to hit up the new Stranger Things-themed bar, he totally disappears. You’re worried, so you overanalyze those texts. Did you come on too strong when you said “You’re like a box of waffles, I just can’t...

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DNA, Genealogy Research Confirm Ex-Boyfriend From Long Lineage Of Cheating Douchebags
Oct12

DNA, Genealogy Research Confirm Ex-Boyfriend From Long Lineage Of Cheating Douchebags

O’FALLON, Mo. – Citing evidence from DNA testing company 23andme, as well as her own findings on genealogy website Ancestry.com, Cassie Perkins said Wednesday she can now confidently confirm that her ex-boyfriend Matt Straywood descends from a long line of cheating douchebags. Perkins stated that people used to question Straywood about his ethnicity, often asking if he was part-douchebag, but he would shrug them off...

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Relationship Heating Up for Arsonists
Feb09

Relationship Heating Up for Arsonists

SAN DIEGO – As the new-wave sounds of Talking Head’s 1983 hit “Burning Down the House” played in the background, Brian Chase and Kelly Marshall, two convicted arsonists, announced their plans to wed. The two feisty firestarters first met on Tinder in 2014, where they immediately warmed to each other. “It was like he put a match to the kindling of my heart,” Kelly says of their first meeting. “Brian set my passions...

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