Grandma Arrested for Insurance Fraud After Fabricated Reindeer Incident
Dec27

Grandma Arrested for Insurance Fraud After Fabricated Reindeer Incident

TOPEKA, Kan. – The holidays won’t be so happy for one local woman this year. Arnetta Bolin, mother of three and grandmother of ten, has been arrested on counts of insurance fraud perpetuated last year while walking home last Christmas Eve. “Grandma” Bolin, 84, alleged that she had been run over by one of Santa’s sleigh-pulling reindeer and filed a claim against Kris Kringle’s insurance, asking for nearly half a million dollars...

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Nativity Scene Provides Shining Moment for Donkeys
Dec25

Nativity Scene Provides Shining Moment for Donkeys

BETHLEHEM – An extra dose of surprise came some 2,000+ years ago in Bethlehem when an unusual creature found its way to the manger for the birth of lord and savior Jesus Christ; a donkey managed to snag a front row seat. Witnesses noted puzzled looks from the wise men after they visited with the infant savior. “I heard muttering,” said local herder Amir Sokhan. “They just seemed dumbfounded and mimicked the ‘hee-haw’ sound while...

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Santa Waterboards the Enemy in the War on Christmas
Dec24

Santa Waterboards the Enemy in the War on Christmas

Interrogation Transcript North Pole Detention Camp Location: [REDACTED]  Douglas Fleischer-Hughes, liberal activist, atheist, and professor of Sociology at Oberlin College lies blindfolded and strapped to a wooden gurney that’s trimmed with Christmas lights and a garland. The lower half of the gurney is elevated, so that Fleischer-Hughes’s head is angled 45 degrees downward. General Santa Claus stands over him, chewing a mini candy...

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10 Total Pieces of Shit That Didn’t Bother Decorating for Christmas
Dec23

10 Total Pieces of Shit That Didn’t Bother Decorating for Christmas

1. Ho ho ho! It’s that most wonderful time of the year again when everyone breaks out the eggnog and mistletoe, crams presents under the tree, and decks their houses out to the nines with garish decorations. Well, except for this piece of human garbage.   2. Ohhh, yeah. Sure. You can keep your lawn immaculate and green during one of the worst droughts in recent history, but you can’t spend thirty minutes throwing up a...

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After Divorce, ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ Author Pens Emotional Sequel ‘Eat, Eat, Eat’
Dec22

After Divorce, ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ Author Pens Emotional Sequel ‘Eat, Eat, Eat’

WATERBURY, Conn. – After divorcing her longtime partner Jose Nunes, Elizabeth Gilbert recently announced that she has penned a follow-up to her hit novel Eat, Pray, Love. The sequel, entitled Eat, Eat, Eat, will be on bookshelves in time for the holidays. “I’m in a really Zen place now,” Gilbert said between bites of cookie dough ice cream and Double Stuf Oreos. “My life has never been more fulfilling.”  Rather than praying or...

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