Man Terrified to Propose to Girlfriend for Fear Tragedy Will Strike on Same Day
Dec02

Man Terrified to Propose to Girlfriend for Fear Tragedy Will Strike on Same Day

LOS ANGELES – Mark Shambaugh has been dating his current girlfriend, Jill Stephenson, for two-and-a-half years now. They’ve never taken a break from being together, rarely fight and have numerous shared interests. Shambaugh can’t imagine spending the rest of his life with anyone else. The only thing preventing him from popping the question is the looming fear that the day he chooses to propose to Stephenson will be the same date...

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DNA, Genealogy Research Confirm Ex-Boyfriend From Long Lineage Of Cheating Douchebags
Oct12

DNA, Genealogy Research Confirm Ex-Boyfriend From Long Lineage Of Cheating Douchebags

O’FALLON, Mo. – Citing evidence from DNA testing company 23andme, as well as her own findings on genealogy website Ancestry.com, Cassie Perkins said Wednesday she can now confidently confirm that her ex-boyfriend Matt Straywood descends from a long line of cheating douchebags. Perkins stated that people used to question Straywood about his ethnicity, often asking if he was part-douchebag, but he would shrug them off...

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Girlfriend Wishes Shooter Boyfriend Were More Active
Feb12

Girlfriend Wishes Shooter Boyfriend Were More Active

CHANDLER, Ariz. – Citing concerns over his apparently waning ambitions and overall fitness, Gillian Cromwell wishes her shooter boyfriend, Glen Turkins, would be more active. “He goes on and on about the coworkers he hates and how much every other race drives him to the point of insanity,” she said. “But all he ever does is sit on the couch and talk about it. I really wish he’d get up and be true to his...

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Hurtful Things My Boyfriend (The Secondhand Store Clothing Buyer) Said During Our Break-Up
Feb10

Hurtful Things My Boyfriend (The Secondhand Store Clothing Buyer) Said During Our Break-Up

“Unfortunately, I do have to pass on all of you at this time.” “You are not a size that’s in demand.” “This isn’t the right season.” “You’re perfectly nice, I’m just supersupersuper picky right now.” “You just look a little too well-loved.” “Frankly, you look a little pilled.” “It seems like you’re coming a bit unraveled.” “I’m looking for more current models right now.” “You are...

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Help, Jake! My Significant Other Might Be Cheating on Me
Jun18

Help, Jake! My Significant Other Might Be Cheating on Me

I get a lot of mail. Besides the marriage proposals and demands for what amounts to a bone sesh with yours truly, there is one type of letter I receive all the time. Over and over, I’m asked the same question: “What do I do if I think my significant other is cheating on me?” Well, I’ll give you the good news. You aren’t paranoid. If you’re to the point of thinking that your SO is cheating on you, they probably are. No need to go...

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