Spontaneous Erections Somehow Part of God’s Plan
Jun15

Spontaneous Erections Somehow Part of God’s Plan

PLANO, Texas – Local accountant and fervent Christian Terry Cooper told reporters Wednesday that, in a moment of divine inspiration, God had revealed His plan for him. Surprisingly, the plan consists primarily of Cooper experiencing a long series of unwarranted and impossible-to-conceal erections at unfortunate times. But despite the unique challenges the Lord had laid out for him, Cooper refuses to question how it all fits into...

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Perfectly Good Boner Goes to Waste
Oct13

Perfectly Good Boner Goes to Waste

OKLAHOMA CITY – Despite early predictions, a rock-hard boner tragically went unused late Monday night. Baffling locals, the waste of the good, hard rod comes as no surprise to researchers of national chubby trends. A recent report by the John Hopkins Center for Stiffy Studies found that 98% of the U.S. hard-on supply is lost each year, mainly from consumer waste. The findings, first published in the November issue of The Boner...

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6 Insanely Hot Pictures of Breadsticks That Will Make Your Penis Move
Sep24

6 Insanely Hot Pictures of Breadsticks That Will Make Your Penis Move

These breadsticks are looking pretty lubed up. Nice and slick, perfect for sliding into your mouth with no resistance.   There we go, that’s the good stuff. So close you can practically taste it. So close it’s taking everything in your power not to lock the doors, close the curtains and set aside a four-hour block of private time between you and these throbbing rods of baked bread.   Holy shit, that’s nice....

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How You Found Robot Butt: April 2015 Edition
May06

How You Found Robot Butt: April 2015 Edition

After sifting through the startling amount of varying search terms regarding how to make out with one’s cousin (or asking if it’s even okay), we actually found some other ways in which people discovered Robot Butt last month. Looking at these search terms allows me to really see what the people want. So as God as my witness, I promise that we will one day show you Franken Berry’s penis (until then, though, be sure to...

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Paleontologists Uncover Largest Dino Boner Yet
Mar05

Paleontologists Uncover Largest Dino Boner Yet

COLUMBUS, Ohio – Calling the discovery a major breakthrough in our understanding of dinosaur reproduction, paleontologists from the Ohio State University announced Monday that the biggest dino boner ever reported had recently been unearthed in an eastern Wyoming dig site. Scientists working on the find told reporters that this remarkable finding could provide a rare insight into the reproductive cycle of dinosaurs, and may even...

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