Hasbro Faces Thousands of Lawsuits Over Ouija Board Possessions
Aug10

Hasbro Faces Thousands of Lawsuits Over Ouija Board Possessions

PAWTUCKET, R.I. – Toy and board game company Hasbro has been faced with an onslaught of lawsuits from parents over the sale of Ouija boards, which the company markets as a way to communicate with the dead and open a portal to a realm beyond our own. “It is absolutely irresponsible that they would market such a dangerous item to our children,” said Margaret Sampson, one of the many parents claiming damages from Hasbro after the...

Read More
Man Playing Risk Feels Thrilling Rush of Committing War Atrocities
Jan28

Man Playing Risk Feels Thrilling Rush of Committing War Atrocities

TULSA, Okla. – As he ordered thousands of troops to their deaths in order to illegally occupy a neighboring nation, local man and avid Risk player Derek Russell began to feel the thrilling and unique rush of power that can only come with the act of committing unspeakable war crimes. In a bold and horrifying maneuver, Russell began his game by immediately disregarding Article 39 of the United Nations Charter with an unprovoked...

Read More
King Kandy’s Reign Begins With Delicious Crackdown on Dissenters
Jun06

King Kandy’s Reign Begins With Delicious Crackdown on Dissenters

PUDDINGTON CITY, Puddington – Candy Land, long the liberal bastion of the Candy Realm, has traditionally been a haven for refugees from its less democratic neighbors. Now, in the wake of a recent coup, Candy Land’s new monarch, King Kandy, has begun a brutal but delicious crackdown on dissenters, leading to thousands fleeing the kingdom. A leader of the exile community, Tom Taffy, says dozens of professors, activists and...

Read More