Day After Christmas Officially Tired of Playing Second Fiddle to Black Friday
Dec28

Day After Christmas Officially Tired of Playing Second Fiddle to Black Friday

A press conference held this week to mark the holiday season turned controversial when December 26th told reporters that it has finally had it with always taking a back seat to Black Friday. Citing the abundance of “doorbuster” deals and even the special name for whichever date follows Thanksgiving, the day after Christmas announced that it’s finally taking a stand. “For thousands of years, I’ve been nothing but consistent in my...

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Man Camping Out for Black Friday in Front of Computer
Nov24

Man Camping Out for Black Friday in Front of Computer

CEDAR FALLS, Iowa – Hoping to get a jumpstart on the holiday shopping season, Gerald Colsen has already begun camping in front of his home computer with the hopes of grabbing the best Black Friday deals. “It’s really important to be prepared early,” Gerald said while bundled up in a winter jacket with matching hat and gloves. “There are so many different sites you need to hit, and the web traffic is always horrendous.” Sitting...

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Walmart Offering Great Black Friday Deals, But Only If You Can Guess Their Riddles Three
Nov24

Walmart Offering Great Black Friday Deals, But Only If You Can Guess Their Riddles Three

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone, and now that the last bite of green bean casserole has been choked down and your uncle has wrapped up his defense of Roy Moore, it’s off to the nearest shopping center for an even more deeply-rooted American tradition: Black Friday. However, one department store giant is taking a somewhat unusual approach. This year, Walmart will only give you their Black Friday discounts if you can answer their...

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‘Game of Thrones’ Episode 11: Battle of the Black Friday
Nov25

‘Game of Thrones’ Episode 11: Battle of the Black Friday

The night is dark and full of terrors, but leading the 5 a.m. Macy’s line on Black Friday is a fear unimaginable, with a fate worse than Hodor’s. Let’s see what each GoT character wants to snag before winter comes. Cercei Lannister: 50% Off Plywood At Lowe’s Dearest Cersei lost all three children, took down religion, and blew up the center of Westeros. She is going to need all the wood Lowe’s has to offer to successfully...

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Federal Government Releases Strategic Kohl’s Cash Reserves
Nov27

Federal Government Releases Strategic Kohl’s Cash Reserves

WASHINGTON – In a move being decried by most economists, the Federal Reserve Bank released more than $2 trillion in strategic Kohl’s Cash reserves today to free up resources for those trying to get by this holiday season. Would-be business owner Jessica Massy doesn’t understand the backlash. “I was able to trade in the Kohl’s Cash I had saved over the years for the keys to an old liquor store down the...

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