$24 Million Study Concludes Indy 500 Fans Also Enjoy Beer
Jun01

$24 Million Study Concludes Indy 500 Fans Also Enjoy Beer

INDIANAPOLIS – According to an exhaustive on-site study that took course over the span of 15 years, enough conclusive evidence was finally gathered at Indianapolis Motor Speedway during the Indianapolis 500 last weekend to suggest that racing fans also enjoy alcoholic beverages. Kent Stark, a physiology professor from Indiana University, was the man behind the exhaustive $24 million study. “We wanted to know if this was a...

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Recent College Grad Can’t Believe He Is Expected to Work on St. Patrick’s Day
Mar17

Recent College Grad Can’t Believe He Is Expected to Work on St. Patrick’s Day

CHICAGO, Ill. – Recent college graduate and Delta Iota Kappa brother Chad Walker remains completely and irrevocably bummed out following the realization that he is expected to show up for work on St. Patrick’s Day as if it were any other work day. “I started talking about my plans Monday afternoon, asking around if anybody wanted to rage some kegs and eggs downtown before dawn,” Walker said, “And my boss just looks...

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The Senate Doesn’t Like to Party: An Op-Ed on the Keystone XL Pipeline
Nov20

The Senate Doesn’t Like to Party: An Op-Ed on the Keystone XL Pipeline

This is a message to my fellow, dear Americans, including those fat cats up in Washington, and it is a simple one – you really screwed up. You saw an opportunity, and what did you do? You tossed it out the window. You squandered it, and in doing so, caused the unnecessary suffering of many American citizens. I’ve never been so disgusted with the bureaucrats of this country as I am at this moment, and every citizen of this, the...

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