Obamas Throw Final White House Yard Sale
Jan19

Obamas Throw Final White House Yard Sale

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With President Obama’s second term coming to a close, D.C. residents are preparing for the eighth and final White House yard sale offered by the First Family. “They always have such nice things,” said regular attendee Bethany Colson. “A few years back I got a lovely rug from the Lincoln Bedroom and one of Edith Wilson’s chiffarobes. Oh, and some cute little Hummels, too!” “Yeah, it’s a good spread,” said...

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You Wouldn’t Believe the Insane Shit I Know About Space
Dec31

You Wouldn’t Believe the Insane Shit I Know About Space

As my presidency nears its conclusion, I often find myself reflecting on the past eight years. First and foremost, I am overtaken with such gratitude to the American people for allowing me to serve them and this wonderfully diverse country. It has been an honor unlike any I could have imagined, and I will carry it with me for the rest of my life. My thoughts also take me to everything we accomplished together during my time in office,...

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President Obama: I’m Taking a Gap Year
Aug23

President Obama: I’m Taking a Gap Year

This letter was received by the Robot Butt staff this week. It’s finally here. I can’t believe I only have six more months of having to pretend like I still care. After all I’ve done for this great country, and they thank me with the possibility of an orange-faced, tiny-handed man child. It’s not good. I can’t trouble myself with this job any longer. Malia had the brilliant idea of taking a gap year before college, and I think she...

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Obama Politely Accepts 300 Million Presidents Day Macaroni Pictures
Feb15

Obama Politely Accepts 300 Million Presidents Day Macaroni Pictures

WASHINGTON – President Obama graciously accepted more than 300 million handmade macaroni pictures from citizens across the nation this Presidents Day. Many of the cards depicted the president in some of the most historic moments of his presidency, from him throwing a punch at the conservative members of the Supreme Court during the Affordable Care Act hearings to Mr. Obama personally gunning down Osama bin Laden with bullets...

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5 Crazy Things ‘Back to the Future II’ Predicted About 2015 That Came True
Dec31

5 Crazy Things ‘Back to the Future II’ Predicted About 2015 That Came True

With the close of 2015, it’s time to look back (to the future, that is). From hoverboards to self-lacing shoes, thumbprint IDs to Google Glass, Back to the Future II predicted a lot of amazing things, so let’s take a look at some of the most impressive! 1. American Patriot Kim Davis We all remember the famous scene where a Hill Valley resident tells Marty McFly that the gay marriage ruling was “a hundred-to-one...

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