5 Ways to Prove Your Superiority Over a Baby
Apr13

5 Ways to Prove Your Superiority Over a Baby

People love fawning over babies like they’re the greatest thing in the world, but they’re not. It’s not even close. Ask yourself: When has a baby ever done something cool like hit a home run or tell a hilarious joke? Never! Even more baffling is that babies can’t even perform basic functions that adults do each and every day. I’m supposed to cheer when a baby spouts gibberish and is barely able to stand...

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Baby Definitely Sad About Something
Nov17

Baby Definitely Sad About Something

GOSHEN, Ind. – Speculation is swirling over what a local baby could be so sad about. Crying loudly for over 40 minutes straight, sources report that the baby could be depressed over almost anything, with guesses ranging wildly from a bad review at work to a recent viewing of The Notebook. One source close to the baby guessed it may have just been a while since the baby went ahead and had a good cry. “I know if I go too long...

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‘Breast is Best,’ Insists Winking Hospital President
Apr03

‘Breast is Best,’ Insists Winking Hospital President

Regional Hospital President Eric Webb spoke earlier today at a press conference about Heatherstone General’s new baby-friendly program. “Breastfeeding is a natural and beautiful thing,” said Mr. Webb. “It’s best for the baby, and really anyone else that happens to be around.” The hospital president went on to encourage women to breastfeed “any old time they feel like it: around the house, in a...

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