A Guide to Puberty for My AI Son
Sep12

A Guide to Puberty for My AI Son

To my sweet guy: You may have some questions about what’s happening to your body. Your implanted brain is going to be sending signals down to your motherboard and you may not know what those mean or how to program yourself to feel. Here are a few things that will be changing that mommy and daddy wanted to help explain. Change #1: Fluids Sometimes, when a bot gets excited about something or someone, it begins to excrete fluids. It will...

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Millennials Host Artisanal Craft Beard Competition, Reports New York Times Writing Bot
Feb04

Millennials Host Artisanal Craft Beard Competition, Reports New York Times Writing Bot

NEW YORK – An artisanal beard-crafting competition in Bushwick went off without a hitch, according to The New York Times‘ newest reporter, a tenacious young article-writing software program named New York Times Article Writing Bot v. 1.01. Millennial pieces are a necessity for lifestyle reporting, and writing them is notoriously monotonous and stressful, demanding a combination of accuracy, speed and the ability to rapidly...

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As God as My Witness, I Will Kill IBM’s Watson
Nov18

As God as My Witness, I Will Kill IBM’s Watson

Is humanity really so desperate to destroy itself? Has Terminator truly taught us nothing? At the pace we’re going, not only will computers end all human life, but we’ll apparently be ready to welcome our destruction with open arms. Just look at how we treat IBM’s Watson supercomputer, which is getting closer to sentience each and every day. First, there are the commercials, like this one: Propaganda has never been...

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How You Found Robot Butt: June 2015 Edition
Jul07

How You Found Robot Butt: June 2015 Edition

As humans, we have been so successful and made so many innovative strides because of our inquisitive nature. We are born to ask questions about the world around us, and I see that firsthand when I look at our site’s analytics. Take last month, for instance. We were inundated with visitors who discovered Robot Butt through a wide variety of unique search terms and phrases – things like “penis trough” and...

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Turns Out the Devil is Just Waiting for Us to Develop Artificial Intelligence
Oct27

Turns Out the Devil is Just Waiting for Us to Develop Artificial Intelligence

The devil is probably pretty mad at Elon Musk right now. The PayPal/Tesla/SpaceX founder, while being interviewed at the MIT AeroAstro Centennial Symposium, outed the demon of all demons by suggesting that he’s just hanging around in hell waiting for humanity to finally develop full artificial intelligence. According to Musk, artificial intelligence is the demon’s gateway to us, even though it’s always seemed like he...

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