Nation Expected American Demise to Be More Exciting
Feb08

Nation Expected American Demise to Be More Exciting

WASHINGTON – As the Trump administration continues to promote isolationism, and the Republican-held Congress works to remove consumer and environmental protections, the American people expressed astonishment at just how boring the fall of America has been. “I thought there’d be robots or aliens, or at least huge explosions. I never expected it to be an old man trying to use his cellphone,” said Ft. Worth, Texas resident...

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There Are Plenty of Things We Can All Come Together to Hate
Nov28

There Are Plenty of Things We Can All Come Together to Hate

America is divided. The election is over, and people are fighting in the streets, at work, on social media, at home. Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama have all stepped forward to ask the American people to unite – to join together for the betterment of the country. The problem is that there is just so much hate and anger out there. It seems impossible at this point, so, to start small, we just need to find the...

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Scenes From NRAmerica
Jul08

Scenes From NRAmerica

[On the way to the nightclub] WOMAN: Hey, you look great. Where are you going? ROOMMATE: To the club. You’re sure I look okay? WOMAN: Terrific. ROOMMATE: These shoes are alright? WOMAN: Perfect. ROOMMATE: What about this gun? Does it make me look fat? WOMAN: No, but now that you mention it, don’t you think an ankle holster would look better? ROOMMATE: I do, but I want to dance. WOMAN: You can’t dance with an ankle holster? ROOMMATE: I...

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Mall Santa Dreaming of a White America
Dec24

Mall Santa Dreaming of a White America

CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. – With his rosy cheeks, bushy beard and round belly, local man Ed Hicks is the spitting image of Kris Kringle and is proud of it. For the last twelve years, Hicks has been donning the red coat and shiny boots at Riverside Mall, listening to thousands of children’s Christmas lists. But there’s just one thing this jolly old elf wants, and he wishes for it every year. “Some people dream of a white...

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Beloved Serial Killer Captures America’s Hearts, Kidneys
Dec15

Beloved Serial Killer Captures America’s Hearts, Kidneys

The Kidney Pie Killer is at it again, and America is loving every minute of it! This precocious serial killer is on a five-city tour and has been absolutely slaying crowds at each stop along the way. Known for his easy smile, lovable antics and tireless desire to kill people, remove their kidneys and use them to bake a traditional English savory pie, the Kidney Pie Killer has been charming and harming his way across the country for...

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